Camping Dred

We just got back from a three-day camping trip to a nearby Nebraska State Rec Area (SRA). We swam, fished, rode bikes, walked, played with our dog, and my five-year-old developed the dreaded camping dred lock. When we camp, it is family time, and some of the day to day conflicts we normally engage in are thrown out the proverbial window in favor of conflict-free family fun. One such conflict is that of hairbrushing. My five-year-old would rather chew glass than have her hair brushed. She has naturally curly hair underneath and wavy on top hair. The curls tend to get really snarly, even after a normal day of wear and tear, so you can imagine what three days of wear and tear without a comb or brush in sight might look like. I'll take the imagination out of it and show you:



So, when we arrived home today I quickly dumped her into a tub of warm suds and immediately doused her in shampoo and then a nice large dollop of conditioner. With the conditioner still in, I combed from the bottom up. Surprisingly, the dred slid out nicely. I think we may make this a nightly bathing ritual. I braided it and VOILA! Good as new. Dred lock free hair!

Crystal Dawn

Oh where, oh where could our Crystal Dawn be ... Oh where ... Oh where can she be?
With her rolicking wit and her en-ten-dres ... Oh Where ... Oh where can she be?

At Least No One Else Can Try To Claim Them Now

My daughter, who is five, is learning to write her letters and numbers and can copy words like no other. She thought it would be nice to label my shoe for me. She added the extra "m" for effect.

A Child's First "Break-Up"

I originally posted this in my blog but I was told it would fit here also...so here ya go Morgy....

My twelve year-old had her first boyfriend this year. This is a boy she goes to school with, in the same grade and he lives very close to us. I am friends with his mother and after several lectures and threats the guidelines to this infant relationship were set.Two short months later my daughter and I start to hear from other children that her boyfriend is telling them that he is going to break-up with her.

The next time I saw the boy I asked him if this was true. He smiled a cocky little smile and said, "Yes".

"When were you going to tell her?". I asked

"When I get to it.", he replied.

"Consider it gotten to!", I barked.

So I talk to my daughter thinking (like an idiot) that this will not phase her but the second the words left my mouth I could see her beautiful little heart sink. I could see her fighting to keep the tears back and it ripped my heart out. I put my arms around her and told her how sorry I was. I also told her that it was not my place to end her relationship and that perhaps she should talk to him and find out what was happening.She did and he apologized to her and to me. He said that the other kids were giving him a hard time and he just wanted to shut them up. I again told my daughter that what she did was up to her and to my dismay (which I kept to myself) she gave him a second chance.

My heart swelled with pride and I realized just how much my daughter listened to me when , while having my ear plastered to the other side of the front door, I heard her tell him, "If you ever disrespect me like that again I'll replace you with someone bigger, stronger and way better looking!"

So in the end I guess things worked out but I will never forget the rage and helplessness I felt when I saw the hurt in my little girl's eyes and for the first time I truly realized that I can't fix all the problems and I can't keep them safe from all the pain. All I can do is be there to listen and give them my lap to cry in while I plan the torture and dismemberment of whomever caused it (secretly of course). ;-)

Guest Blogger: Erin B.

Here is an email I recently received from a former student of mine who is now a spicy mama ... among other things. She has always been a writer with voice so I am thrilled to share her writing right here on Hot Mama Sauce. She has one son named Noah and he's a year and a half right now.

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Noah’s a bit young still for anything too exciting, but he’s fast becoming a little conversationalist, still too shy to be a socialite, and he’s got a sense of humor that’s, well –- let’s just say, he’s my son. I don’t think I’ve told you, but perhaps I have, that our Auburn office person has quit, yet again –and I’m up here, stuck in some kind of cellular purgatory for the remainder of…Lord, I don’t think I can take any more of it!

Anyway, Noah had his 18-month check up a week and some change ago. Being stuck up here was actually a bonus on that day –- mom had to take him to the doctor for me, and he was getting shots. Poor little guy, he definitely makes a face that screams “Et tu, mommy?!?”

So, mom gets him there, gets him in the room, gets a hold of his chunky little leggers so they can give him his shots and he starts yelling “Help me! Help me!”

Where in the world my one and a half-year-old learned to yell, "Help me!" is a mystery! The nurses were all shocked “Is he saying ‘help me’?” Very funny, a little heart wrenching, and as always, proof that my son is a little to the left…

(Side note: We found out at that appointment that Noah’s in the 50th percentile in height, 75th in weight, and …are you ready, this is funny… 95th in circumference of his head! We always called him “big-headed, baby Noah”… Apparently we were right.)

I got another one that I witnessed first hand… it’s a testament to how stubborn I am, and to how much more stubborn my son is.

Noah and I were in the living room, and I had the front door open, as I do on many occasions in an effort to cut down on my utility bill. He was standing by the door, face pressed against the screen, screaming “OUT, Mama, OUT!” We’re currently working on circulating the words “please” and “thank you” through my household, but alas, my son absolutely refuses to even think about saying either one of those things.

So here we are, with me saying over and over “If you say please, mommy will take you outside to play” “Say please, Noah” “Noah Michael, you can scream all day, but we’re not going anywhere til you say please,” and him retorting with “OUT!” “PLAY!” “NO!” and my personal favorite “STOP IT!” My limit was at about half an hour of this, when he finally mumbled something that wasn’t remotely close to “please” but was similar enough that I gave up the whole battle and took him out to play.

We weren’t even outside for 30 seconds when I stepped on the sharpest little twig I have ever seen poking out of my yard like a dagger, and I, out of sheer ignorance, say “Oh, piss!” It’s terribly annoying how I can tell Noah for half an hour “Say please. Say please” and get no response, but one time –- one time I say “piss” and he’s wandering around the yard telling it to the bushes, the squirrel, the nice, little, old lady that lives next door… and her dog too! I was so embarrassed. It was terrible!

I don’t know if any of these are of any help to your bloggers, but they were pretty funny happenings in my mommy life… It was worth sharing anyway.
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I don't know ... sounds exciting to me Erin B. Thanks for your contribution. Erin says when life slows down, she may join us as a regular contributor. When should I break it to her that life NEVER slows down ... well, until you die that is.

Guest Blogger: Mindy C. (Update)

Here is an update from Mindy C. as requested by many interested parties.

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Above: Anna and Amber at Anna's graduation party ten days before Anna was married.

Dear Mama-friends,

I was truly touched by the reactions to my account of my wayward daughter Anna and how she ended up married at 18 to a man she had only known a few months, and was 9 years older than her. This past year has been very hard, not only because of the ensuing estrangement we have had to endure, but also that life has gone on, and Anna is not a part of it, nor are we a part of her life.  

I will be bringing you all up to date on this saga, but first I want to give you a little background. Anna is a middle child, with an older and a younger brother.  She was always an active little girl, and love to catch little things outside -- snakes, spiders, beetles. She was very smart, and also very stubborn. She loved to torment her brothers. She loved to draw, and had a beautiful voice, too. She loved her cat, Snickers. And she had one best friend since kindergarten -- Patience.

Anna and Patience, and also the third friend in their circle, Vici, all worked at a local Taco Johns. That is where they met David. There were also other people who knew David from work, and so there were a lot of mutual friends. 

After Anna and David got married, they socialized less and less with Anna's old friends, and they actually lived for a few months with a friend of David's ( in the friend's parents' basement). All this time Anna was withdrawing more and more from her family and friends. This all came to a head because of a very tragic accident. 

On July 5th, 2006, a group of girls had been at Patientce's house, and decided to drive to Norfolk to visit one girl's mother. Gina , Chris and Amber went, but Patience stayed home. Amber and Patience were very close, and Amber had been living with Patience, at Patience's parents' house.

You might remember the news accounts of the accident. Chris's truck rolled on the highway. Chris was seriously injured, and Amber was killed. It still seems impossible that this very bright, beautiful woman is gone.  I was in Colorado at this time, and getting that phone call from Patience's mother while standing on a street corner in Estes Park was surreal. I was helpless to do anything.

Patience was distraught and nearly inconsolable.  She needed all the support available, and Anna was the main pillar of that support. But David was not as compassionate or understanding as he could have been, and was very unhappy with the amount of time Anna was spending with Patience. Two days after Amber's death, there was an incident at Patience's house. I can not give a complete account of what happened because the stories all conflict, so I'll stick to what I know for sure.

Anna was at the house, and left to pick David up from work. She had forgotten her purse, so went back with David to get it. The girls at the house, and especially Patience, didn't want Anna to leave again right away, but David insisted. They tried to prevent Anna and David from leaving, and things got ugly, including one person actually jumping on the hood of the car to stop them.

After that, Anna would have nothing to do with her friends. I tried to explain to her that people who are grieving cannot be held to normal standards of behavior, but she wouldn't forgive them. As far as I know, she has not talked to any of them since. (Anna did ask her brother Alex to tell her about the memorial service that was held for Amber.)

OK -- that's all for this chapter, but here's a weird fact for you. David and Amber have the same birthday -- January 25th.
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The Learning to Speak English Accent (Updated)

My daughter just turned five. I have always found her "learning to speak English accent" rather amusing.

To give you a couple of examples:

What she means--------------What she says
Comfy****************************Conthy
Vacation**************************Bah-cation
Guitar*****************************Ti-guar
Refridgerator**********************Reflidge-ah-lator
Bra********************************Brawl
Apartment************************Tipartment
Roof******************************Ruth
Movie Theater********************Moody Feeter
Valentine's Day*******************Valentime's Day
Monopoly*************************Bonopoly
Went******************************Goed
The Virgin Mary*******************The Birgin Mary
Hamburger************************Handburger

My older daughter, when she was very small (like two or so) had trouble pronouncing "coffee". She would invert the "f" and the "c" sounds. Think about how that sounded.

More to come.

Divorce

My five-year-old daughter is hyper aware of divorce these days. In recent months three couples she knows rather well have decided to part ways or are struggling to decide whether or not they should stay together.

The other night between books she asked,"Why don't Callie's mom and dad live together?" She noticed Callie's mom dropping her off at her dad's, our neighbor's, house earlier that day.

Oh boy ... Deep breath ...

"Some times ... even mommies and daddies who love each other ... can't live together. Some times if parents argue or fight too much, it's better if they live apart. It's better for the mommy and the daddy and it's better for the kids."

"Sort of like aunt Nelly and uncle Martin?"

"Yes."

"Sort of like aunt Rory and Zeb?"

"Yes, except they weren't married, but yes, they broke up." (My aunt -- my daughter's great aunt -- recently separated from her long-term, live-in boyfriend.)

"Oh." She lets that marinate for a while. "You and daddy argue."

Another deep breath.

"Yes. Most mommies and daddies do argue from time to time. That's normal. It's one way people can work through things that are bothering them. It doesn't mean that we don't love each other. It doesn't mean we are going to get divorce. You don't need to worry about mommy and daddy getting divorced. Okay?"

"Okay. I know." She snuggles in and grabs *Goodnight Moon* from the pile before she says, "Mommy?"

"Yes?"

"I'm going to miss Zeb."

"I know. Zeb was a good friend. We probably won't be able to see him much anymore, but he's still your friend."

I take the book from her.

"Mommy?" she's not quite done yet.

"Yes?"

"I am not going to miss uncle Martin."

I stifle a laugh. What I want to say is "Neither will I," but I resist, and instead I say, "I know you didn't know Martin very well."

That seemed to be the end of it, but it wasn't.

My husband and I were able to go out for a bite to eat two nights later. I was relaying this story to him and as I got into it, he beginning chuckling.

"What?"

"Nothing ... Keep going," he said.

So I finished the story, and he then revealed the source of his laughter. He said, "She nearly repeated most of what you use just said verbatim to Callie today when they were out swinging."

"What?"

"She told Callie, 'Your mom and dad don't live together because they might've been fighting too much. That doesn't mean they don't love each other. My mommy and daddy argue all the time, but they're NEVER getting divorced."

So, now I'm wondering, who else has heard the story about our home life and who else has received an analysis of their homelife via my five-year-old.

But divorce is so prevalent any more. My sister-in-law, A.K.A. aunt Nelly, was telling me how since she filed for divorce about two months ago, two of her closest friends have also filed. One of the friend's soon-to-be-ex-husband pointed out that he felt like his wife was filing for divorce because she's seen the glamour of Nelly's life since separating from Martin. He may have a point. Marriage is a struggle. Single life may be more attractive ... for the first year or so. That glamour simply can't last, unless you are independently wealthy or you have a means of support. Many women are financially devastated after a divorce. My sister-in-law is lucky in that she has familial support. Is she leading a life of glamour? I think she's living a much better life than she was when she was married, but I think her friend's husband is looking for an excuse for why his wife left him.

It seems like kids are used to divorce now too. Callie and her friend Hunter have been hanging out in my front yard quite a bit lately. My husband was out of town for a week for a conference. Hunter took note of his absence after three days. She said, "HEY! Where does her (she pointed to my daughter) dad live now?"

"What do you mean?" I was perplexed.

"Where does he live now? He's not here."

"He's just on a trip honey ... He'll be back on Friday night."

"Oh."

It's sad to me that a male's absence for slightly more than 48 hours signals to her that he has left permanently. What must this say about what she knows?

When I was younger a couple of my friends' parents were divorced and it seemed so strange. The concept of staying with your dad on the weekends and visiting him on Thursday nights seemed like such a hassle. Now, I think my kids' friends may find it strange that our daughters have married parents. We may become a novelty. I hope not, but I do plan on staying married forever, even if it's not the most popular trend these days ... though I do realize most people do not PLAN to get divorced.

Note: This entry is crossposted at the Independent Blogger's Alliance.

Hermits

Hey all today was my oldest daughters graduation from the 4th grade into the 5th grade which will put her in the middle school and my middle daughter graduated from Kindergarten today. Both ceremonies were great and delightful. Well the 4th grade students got to go home after theres assembly in the early afternoon so we took her and the youngest of the girls out to eat where ever they chose and ofcourse would you believe McDonalds was the chose lol. So anyways we did that then had to go back for the kindergarten ceremony after that we got them all their Hermit crabs I have 4 children but let me explain although we bought 4 hermit crabs one of them is not for my youngest cause well he is just too young. The 4th hermit crab is for my friends daughter who I babysit for the whole summer. Well anyways we have the coolest Hermit crab home going on and pics will be posted soon. But I wanted to share with everyone their names. My oldest daughter named hers Dude he is rather large and very strong he has a pretty green shell. My middle daughters hermit crab is stargazer lilly and it is in a light yellowshell with rainbow painted on it, my youngest daughters crab is in a bright orange shell and she named it moonstar very cute. So I will keep you posted on our crabs. Very entertaining to say the least. Oh yeah the 4th crab will not be named until Wednesday when babysitting begins but that one is in pretty blue shell with a butterfly painted on it. Okay all take care.

Parents Fear

When my son was starting to learn to walk he became very independent, he didn't want his momma to hold his little hand. One day we were at Wal-mart, my mom, Joshua, and myself and we were getting ready to check out. I reached Joshua's hand out to mom and in the seconds between switching hands he was off like a bat out of hell.

I didn't realize that a two year old could get away so fast. My heart dropped into my stomach and fear reared it's ugly head when after a couple of minutes we couldn't locate him.. It was a very small wal-mart so there wasn't to many places he could have gotten off to.

I started running through the store, yelling at the staff to lock all doors and not let anyone out because my son was missing. People looked at me like I was crazy, I was I must say at the time, with the thoughts of my son being kidnapped.

We had been teaching Joshua hide and seek, he loved to play it, even at two it was one of his favorite things to do. Unknown to us at the time that is what he was doing playing hide and seek. By now the whole staff was looking for him and I was crying and my mother was frantic and I had just about decided to have a break down when a faint little laugh came from the women's department. We started the hunt and after a few minutes located Joshua in the center of a circular rack full of women's clothes. All I could do in that moment was grab him up and hug him. When that started wearing off, I wanted to give his little bottom a good spanking, but realized, that in the rituals of teaching my child the childhood games like hide and seek, I never realized what dangers could come from that.

While this isn't the case all the time, and I am sure it hardly happens, it made me reflect on how young should we start playing these kinds of games with our children. It was just a thought after going through this with him.

He has survived into teenage years and now the games we play are far more complicated because the thoughts of detaching and reattaching his head comes into thought at times. The grounded for life game doesn't seem to work, but he does have the eye rolling game down pack.
Ah life is great.

Smoke on the Water

My twelve-year-old took her first guitar lesson last night. She's taking them from a good friend, which is nice because then my younger daughter and I can stay and hang out with his wife, who is quickly becoming a friend. Lo and behold, my daughter is in the basement right now, stroking out Deep Purple's "Smoke on the Water". The fact that she is practicing anything (without being reminded) is a surprise and a good sign. Hopefully the newness won't rub off too quickly.

My Age + 99

I enrolled my daughter in a reading program this summer. I attend the classes with her. Today, she told the class that I was 130 years old.

I Know!

Lately, everything my husband or I say to our daughters is met with the response of "I know!" I don't care if my husband says something like "Green magnesium protein, is a sporadicly zinc-enriched protein insulated from coelenterates, in the case of the grand walabeast," the response will be, "I know!"

They know everything.

You haven't fed the dog today!
I know!

Your hair is really messy.
I know!

You can't jump off of that couch.
I know!

Don't eat that pebble!
I know.

Tornado!
I know!

I like this sandwich.
I know!

You look like a crazed lunatic in that grim reaper suit.
I know!

Has anyone else had this experience? The strange thing is that our daughter are twelve and five, so it's not an age-exclusive phase. I think most of it is mimicry in the case of our five-year-old and pre-puberty for the twelve-year-old, but sheesh! If they know everything, what am I here for?

Reminder to Morgy: Write this!

This is a placeholder for a story about the big bad wolf.

-J

Funny things kids say

This event happened many years ago, but seeing young ones around me and listening to their chatter brought back this memory.

When my son was small I started teaching him his body parts. I thought it was better it came from a parent than from young ones around him. We taught him the proper terms for his body parts.
Of coarse with his young mind we kept it along the lines of what he could understand.

I was forever taking him with the bathroom with me, his father never paid much attention when we were out and about and I was always afraid someone would snatch him so off to the bathrooms he would go with me.. At first it's no big deal, nothing was ever said no problems...his chatter usually never allowed him to give way to thought about where he was at. Well I guess one day after giving thought to what we had been teaching him...he blurted out while in a public restroom filled with women MOMMA why don't I have a vagina.....hmmmmmm okay after the laughter died down, I had to explain that these things were discussed at home lol...well what could I do...his inquiring mind wanted to know at that moment lol.

It made me think kids minds soak up so much.. They are little sponges yearning to learn...If only some would take the time when they are young to teach them that the world they live in can be made better by what they contribute to it....they can be the changing forces and turn a hate filled world into something better.

Birth

Hi All,

Just wanted to share a wonderful thing that happened this morning. Well due to my allergies as well as a few of the childrens allergies we have had to give up our cats with in the last year.

Well this morning I woke up to a very loud cat crying. I looked all around on my enclosed porch thinking one was trapped in this very large air conditioner that my father had had. Well nope nothing and the sound calmed down so I went out on the porch to look and nothing and nothing in the yard. The sound got louder and was definetly coming from my porch.

Well I looked in a box where we put all our shoes and skates that we still wear. What do I see a momma cat looking up with me and her two new babies. I was so excited I ran back in the house to get the kids to come take a look they were so excited they could think of every excuse of why they needed the half day of school off today. Needless to say they are at school lol. Well anyways after sending them on their way I hear the crying again. I go out and one was caught inside the roller blade boot lol. We got it situated me and my youngest daughter with it mommy and got mom some milk and food. Well needless to say more cries followed after looking through she didn't just give birth to two but six. My daughter thought this was great! So we have some pics posted on Jadey73 blog. please feel free to check it out. They are wonderful and just so darn cute.

Guest Blogger: Mindy C

My friend Mindy has been dealing with LIFE lately. She's too dang busy to actually get a blogger account, but she wanted me to post something on her behalf. What follows is a letter she sent to the people who love her after a particularly difficult time.

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Dearest Family and Friends,
I am writing to announce that our daughter Anna got married yesterday. I know this is very shocking, and certainly not what I imagined for my little girl's wedding. It is rather a long story, but I will try to be brief, and please feel free to ask me any questions.

Anna has had lots of problems for the past two or three years. Some of you know about this, but I will not go into details. Suffice it to say that not only did she have the normal teen-age trauma with school, boys, etc., but she has also increasingly been "butting heads" with Wayne and I over curfews, chores, and pretty much any 'control' issue you can think of. She has actually always been this way- back to her first nursing strike at age 7 months.

We had to force her through high school this past year, almost day by day. This had nothing to do with her academic capabilities, but rather her super-stubbornness. How else would you explain flunking and sleeping through most of her classes, yet miraculously getting an A in A.P. biology? But she did graduate last week.

The Monday after graduation, she went to spend the night at a girl-friend's house. The next night she spent with her boyfriend ( now husband) David. The next night she spent with him also, but they both showed up at our house at 4 in the morning because his roomate had kicked them out ( his name was not on the lease). Later that day, they were up and about (I was at work) and left again after finding a friend to stay with. She told us she would be home the next day (Thursday) for a doctor's appointment.

Thursday afternoon, I called her cell-phone to ask her if she was on her way, and she said she wasn't going. Refused to go. Refused to meet me there. refused to tell me where she was. Hung up on me. I was very upset, and went looking for her, and even talked with our sherrif. (At this point I need to mention that in the state of Nebraska, you are not an adult until age 19, not 18)

We didn't hear from her again until she talked to her brother Alex at 4:30AM friday morning. She told him then that she would be home "tomorrow". He asked her if that was friday or saturday, but she wouldn't answer him. Then we heard nothing from her. Her friends had heard nothing from her. Everybody was getting pretty upset, to say the least. Finally we heard a rumor that she and David were staying at a hotel downtown. So Sunday evening Alex and three of Anna's girlfriends went downtown and passed out her picture at every hotel.

When they came back from downtown, Wayne and I decided that there was no point in putting it off, and went to the sherrif's office to file a missing persons report. On our way there we got a call from one of the hotels saying that they had been there, but he said he could only give the details to the police. So we went and finished filing our the report. As we were leaving, she called my cell-phone to inform me that she was not missing or kidnapped, and we should not report her as missing. I tried to talk to her but she hung up again.

When we got home (1 AM on Memorial Day) we found that Alex had also talked to the hotel desk-clerk, and had gotten the name of the person who had rented the room for them. From this information, we were able to figure out where they were, and I called the house. I talked to David's friend's mother. I told her that Anna was only 18, and that there was a missing person report on her. I told her that I would not send the police to her house until the next day ( mainly because I was afraid they would run) but that she needed to tell Anna that she needed to be with her family, and that the missing person report would remain until I saw Anna with my own eyes.

Anna came home on monday evening, but made it clear she was leaving again. Wayne and I were very worried about never seeing her again, and also for her safety, since we didn't know David at all. When he came to pick her up on Tuesday morning, I decided this might be my only chance to get any information. David did not take kindly to the interregation (yeah, I was a tad bit hostile) and said to me why do you need all this stuff about me?

I yelled at him "So I can tell the police who to look for when they find my daughter face down in Hummel Park!!" (very sad Omaha murder case- the girl was found in Hummel Park) To which David said "Oh I understand...."

And I said "Do you have children? Then you don't know jack-shit. She's my baby, my only daughter!"

David said "I can assure you I would never let anything happen to Anna. I will take care of her."

"Do you want to marry her?"

"Well, yes, I'd like to......."

And I said " Well, you go get the papers, and I'll sign them" and I stormed back into the house. Then I broke down. I didn't know I could cry like that. I left to go meet Wayne where he was working, and had to take the back-roads because I was so distraught.

I pulled over twice to scream.

When I talked to Wayne, we decided that we didn't have much choice in this situation. She was going to leave home. If they lived together, she would not be able to have her name on the lease. If they broke up, we didn't know if she would come home. We were deathly afraid of never seeing her again. We decided that maybe getting married wasn't such a bad idea, if they would go for it. That way, she would immediately have legal status as an adult. And if things didn't work out for them, she would be "emancipated".

To our surprise, they jumped at the idea of getting married. We signed the consent, and they got married at the courthouse at 4:30 on May 31st ( yes, for those of you who keep track- this was also my son Alex's 21st birthday).

OK- believe it or not, I tried to be brief. And I'm too tired to write anymore, anyway ...

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Another note about Mindy. I used to work with her a few years back and we became friends between cubicles. On more than one occasion I have told Mindy that if I could pick a big sister it would be her. I would also like to point out that she is a phenomenal mom and friend.

Mom to a sixteen year old

I write this with a flexible mind and heart, because when you have a teenager you find you need both to deal with the roller coaster ride you are on with their coming of age and high maintenance emotions.

You seem to invest a piece of your sanity so that you don't end up detaching their heads and reattaching them when the turn twenty. My son feels he is old enough now to pretty much speak his mind. He hasn't learned though that with that privilege comes the ability to bridle it when the occasions call for shutting of the mouth. He still finds from time to time a taste of my hand across his mouth...It doesn't so much hurt as it embarrasses him more. I still once in a blue moon will take a stick to his backside just so he remembers that although he towers over me and I am just a mom he still has to respect who I am and the house he lives in freely.

I have been blessed though. You hear so many horror stories of children when they hit those teenage years, and although Joshua has his moments he is a good kid and one I can brag about. I am sure there is much more to come, but he is worth the patience I give.... There was this child's book that came out some time ago and I would suggest everyone buy it even if your children are pretty much grown, because the message it gives is a strong one, but within it says," I love you forever, I like you for always, as long as I 'm living my baby you'll be."... The title of this little paperback book is I love You Forever.

Well folks that is my thought for this day and thanks for the invite.

Shock Collar

Well ... My neighbor was just out on his newly refurbished deck (two planks of ply wood to patch up the gaping hole from where he tore his dilapitated stairway down.) My dog was out barking ... as usual ... because for some reason, he just doesn't like that neighbor. Hmmmm. I doubt it has anything to do with the fact that my husband has caught the neighbor spraying our dog with water a couple of times, not to mention cursing at him under his breath while he pretends to do yardwork.

We have some other neighbors who were setting up some sort of tent for an out-of-doors party and so I was out there trying to wrangle Edgar into the house. I had succumbed to luring him in to the house with treats because he just wouldn't come this time. He's a slippery bugger. Anyway, I hear this, broadcasting from the 5 X 5' deck next door, "I can get you a shock collar. You can borrow it. You can zap 'im every time he barks ... just nail 'im."

Uhhh.

Uhhh.

"No. That's okay. I have a student whose stepdad tried a shock collar on one time, to see how it felt and he said it hurt like hell."

"Well, does your student's stepfather have a bunch of fur around his neck? I'm mean .. it'll git 'im, it'll shock 'im, but it won't damage 'im or nothin'. It's not abuse. It's made for dogs not people. It's like a cattle prod."

AAAH. A cattle prod ... Is that all?

He continued, "All I know is that if you keep givin' 'im treats when he barks, he's just thinkin' 'Ah! I'm a good boy!' I do have dog-handling experience, you know."

Here's is what I said: "Oh, yeah. That's makes sense. This is just sort of a one-time thing for immediate action. Thanks man ... I hope your arm feels better." (It's broken.)

Here is what I WANTED to say, but allowed this tirade to remain tucked neatly inside my head, probably where it belongs ... I don't know: "Really. Thank you for the advice. Since you feel entitled to bark dog-rearing advice from atop your grand palace's ... deck, then I feel entitled to give you some parenting and lifestyle advice from down here on Earth. Let's start with giving your 12-year-old and 7-year-old daughters a reasonable curfew ... midnight's a bit late for them to be roaming unsupervised, especially since they like to shreik and carry-on while outside. Also, I try to not judge those adults who choose to relax in ways that may or may not be legal from time to time, but when clouds of ditchweed smoke float from your window to my front yard, on a daily basis, my judgement hackles do tend to rise, particularly when I know your children are in the house with you. My second peice of advice is to cut down on the greens, at least while your children are in your care. And finally, your little daughter was over here the other day and she was complaining that her daddy doesn't have any food in the house. I offered to make her a sandwich but she said she was going to her mom's house in a few minutes and would be able to eat there. I noticed that you always have a trash can (not recycling bin, I also noticed) full of beer cans. My third peice of advice is to regularly invest in nutritious food for your children in place of the case of beer that apparently currently takes precedence. Oh, and by the way ... What is it that you do for a living?"

In the words of Atticus Finch, I'm pretty sure he "buys cotton."

Don't judge, lest ye be judged.

I honestly try not to judge anyone, but when you live next to someone who lives the way this man lives, it's hard to bite one's tongue. But I do.

First Date?

All righty then moms. Weigh in on this one.

Tonight, I took my daughter to the fair with her boy friend. Not her boyfriend, but her friend who is a boy. They are both twelve. Pesky little sis was along too. There were no shenanigans or sneaking off to be alone for even a moment, but is that weird? They are only twelve and yes they are only friends, but I could see that twinkle in her friend's eye that said ... I want to take the space outta boy friend. My husband, who was in fact, at one point, a twelve-year-old boy says no way is that kid a friend ... he's a beast waiting to pounce the minute he has a chance. But I think it's good that she can maintain a friendship at this age. I was petrified of boys until I started dating my boyfriend when I was about 14. I had that same boyfriend (with one brief break-up where we both dated other people) until I was 18. We broke up one day before our daughter was born ... so I think I was still petrified of boys, even then. If only I had known then what I know now ... Boys aren't scary, unless you give them that power. But my daughter seems A. oblivious to the boy's obvious interest in being more than friends and B. totally comfortable being herself, so I feel like as long as there's some heavy supervision going on, it's okay.

We watched fire works, ate cotton candy, watched people make fools of themselves in a karaoke contest and I figure with mom and baby sis along, what could've happened, right?

Right?

On Teen Parenting

When I was 18 and freshly out of high school, enrolled in my first batch of college courses, I found out I was pregnant with my first child. She was definitely a surprise and many people in my life were very upset with me. As soon as the belly started bulging though, most everyone that mattered came around to be quite supportive.

People don't do it so much anymore now that my daughter's 11 and obviously has turned out to be an stellar little lady, but I used to feel judged constantly. I felt like people were always staring, waiting for me to screw up, waiting for a chance to give me advice, waiting for a chance to mold me as a parent.

I believe, for many people it was a moral issue - someone who "gets themselves knocked up" certainly can't be a responsible parent, right? (Ha!)

Funny thing is, many of the BEST parents I know are younger parents. I LOVE being a young mom. I think the key is doing what you FEEL is right and not worrying what others think. When your baby is conceived, a new instinct begins to grow in you as well. By the time the baby comes, that natural mothering instinct is born too.

After my first daughter was born, I can think of some distinct instances when people treated me poorly or like I didn't know what I was doing as a mother. To give you an example, I went into the doctor's office because my daughter had the sniffles and being the overprotective first-time mother I wanted to make sure she was okay. The receptionist, with a sneer on her face, in front of a crowded waiting room, said in a louder-than-necessary voice, "Will this be covered by welfare?"

Guess what?

I was insured!

However, I was so mortified that I couldn't speak. When I regained my composure, I handed her my insurance card. She took it without comment and made a copy. She made an assumption about me and never apologized, never corrected herself, and most likely convinced an entire waiting-room full of my neighbors that I was on welfare.

(Side note: There is *nothing* wrong with being on welfare, to help you get through hard times. That's what it's there for. I was lucky enough to have a mother with excellent insurance that covered my daughter and me. Had I NOT been on my mother's insurance, I most definitely would've been on welfare. However, no matter how we get our health care, it's no one's business!)

So, consequently, at times, I do go into new situations assuming that people are going to treat me that same way - whether they are or not - so I go in defensively. This doesn't do me any good though, so I'd advise you to assume the opposite.

Assume everyone is going to respect you the way they should and then if they DON'T, then you can deal with it. Just know that if you assume the best, many times that positive attitude will influence those you encounter.

Also know that Mama knows best - no matter what age you are.

This article and articles similar to it can be found at
Helium.

My Humps

I have a four-year-old who at three started singing that "My Humps" song. We thought it was pretty hilarious at the time, but when you think about - it's not. It's especially not when that same four-year-old says, "I can't go anywhere because I look ugly. People will think this outfit is dumb. I look like a boy when my hair is pulled back." I believe this is a direct result of my child's exposure to certain media.

This along with several other factors have led my husband and I to just about eliminate TV in our house. Last summer we went 100% TV free and this school year we allow our four-year-old one half-hour PBS cartoon about three or four times a week, and our eleven-year-old gets special permission to watch selected programming throughout the week - and that usually amounts to about one to one and half hours per week! (Sometimes she doesn't even ask - because she's busy doing other things!)

When Victoria's Secret ads and clips of the latest local shooting from the 10 o'clock news are run in the middle of "Charlie Brown's Thanksgiving Special," you, as a parent, can't control what the kids see. Eliminating that source of influence, rids you of many problems.

They're still going to see stuff - I realize this. They see it at their TV-obsessed relatives' houses; they will see it at friends' houses; they will see it at the doctor's office, but I like to limit what they see in *my* house. And, when we watch a movie, we watch it together and talk about it. I'm sure it sounds like we're controlling parents and we are to an extent, but only when it's for the good of our daughters' self-perception and brain power.

Now that there is no TV to run to at their first inkling of boredom, my kids brains worked harder than they ever have. I have never seen so much role-playing, reading, outdoor activity, daily creativity or coping skills in my kids prior to this. And, they get along better. (They still have moments ... there's a seven year gap ... )

AND, it's been good for me too. I read more, I'm not constantly bombarded by violence and gratuitous medical scenes, I don't catch myself drooling as I watch another cookie cutter episode of "Law and Order" (I still love that show thought - just don't watch it unless the kids are gone and I need some "brain-free" time.) I create more art; I'm more patient with the kids; I no longer find myself Jonesin' for "reality" TV by 6 P.M.

So, freedom from TV may not for everyone - but maybe consider limiting the media your children are exposed to.

Also - we listen to a local alternative rock station sometimes, but when a song about "Pain without love...", or something similar comes on, we change it to the oldies station. We avoid stations that play "My Humps" but if it happens to come on, we listen, have fun, but talk about why we don't sing it in public.

Bottom line - our family has a ton of dialogue. We're not afraid of the media we just choose not to worship it (thus giving it power) like many families do - whether they realize it or not.

This article and articles similar to it can be found at
Helium.