Shock Collar

Well ... My neighbor was just out on his newly refurbished deck (two planks of ply wood to patch up the gaping hole from where he tore his dilapitated stairway down.) My dog was out barking ... as usual ... because for some reason, he just doesn't like that neighbor. Hmmmm. I doubt it has anything to do with the fact that my husband has caught the neighbor spraying our dog with water a couple of times, not to mention cursing at him under his breath while he pretends to do yardwork.

We have some other neighbors who were setting up some sort of tent for an out-of-doors party and so I was out there trying to wrangle Edgar into the house. I had succumbed to luring him in to the house with treats because he just wouldn't come this time. He's a slippery bugger. Anyway, I hear this, broadcasting from the 5 X 5' deck next door, "I can get you a shock collar. You can borrow it. You can zap 'im every time he barks ... just nail 'im."

Uhhh.

Uhhh.

"No. That's okay. I have a student whose stepdad tried a shock collar on one time, to see how it felt and he said it hurt like hell."

"Well, does your student's stepfather have a bunch of fur around his neck? I'm mean .. it'll git 'im, it'll shock 'im, but it won't damage 'im or nothin'. It's not abuse. It's made for dogs not people. It's like a cattle prod."

AAAH. A cattle prod ... Is that all?

He continued, "All I know is that if you keep givin' 'im treats when he barks, he's just thinkin' 'Ah! I'm a good boy!' I do have dog-handling experience, you know."

Here's is what I said: "Oh, yeah. That's makes sense. This is just sort of a one-time thing for immediate action. Thanks man ... I hope your arm feels better." (It's broken.)

Here is what I WANTED to say, but allowed this tirade to remain tucked neatly inside my head, probably where it belongs ... I don't know: "Really. Thank you for the advice. Since you feel entitled to bark dog-rearing advice from atop your grand palace's ... deck, then I feel entitled to give you some parenting and lifestyle advice from down here on Earth. Let's start with giving your 12-year-old and 7-year-old daughters a reasonable curfew ... midnight's a bit late for them to be roaming unsupervised, especially since they like to shreik and carry-on while outside. Also, I try to not judge those adults who choose to relax in ways that may or may not be legal from time to time, but when clouds of ditchweed smoke float from your window to my front yard, on a daily basis, my judgement hackles do tend to rise, particularly when I know your children are in the house with you. My second peice of advice is to cut down on the greens, at least while your children are in your care. And finally, your little daughter was over here the other day and she was complaining that her daddy doesn't have any food in the house. I offered to make her a sandwich but she said she was going to her mom's house in a few minutes and would be able to eat there. I noticed that you always have a trash can (not recycling bin, I also noticed) full of beer cans. My third peice of advice is to regularly invest in nutritious food for your children in place of the case of beer that apparently currently takes precedence. Oh, and by the way ... What is it that you do for a living?"

In the words of Atticus Finch, I'm pretty sure he "buys cotton."

Don't judge, lest ye be judged.

I honestly try not to judge anyone, but when you live next to someone who lives the way this man lives, it's hard to bite one's tongue. But I do.

On Teen Parenting

When I was 18 and freshly out of high school, enrolled in my first batch of college courses, I found out I was pregnant with my first child. She was definitely a surprise and many people in my life were very upset with me. As soon as the belly started bulging though, most everyone that mattered came around to be quite supportive.

People don't do it so much anymore now that my daughter's 11 and obviously has turned out to be an stellar little lady, but I used to feel judged constantly. I felt like people were always staring, waiting for me to screw up, waiting for a chance to give me advice, waiting for a chance to mold me as a parent.

I believe, for many people it was a moral issue - someone who "gets themselves knocked up" certainly can't be a responsible parent, right? (Ha!)

Funny thing is, many of the BEST parents I know are younger parents. I LOVE being a young mom. I think the key is doing what you FEEL is right and not worrying what others think. When your baby is conceived, a new instinct begins to grow in you as well. By the time the baby comes, that natural mothering instinct is born too.

After my first daughter was born, I can think of some distinct instances when people treated me poorly or like I didn't know what I was doing as a mother. To give you an example, I went into the doctor's office because my daughter had the sniffles and being the overprotective first-time mother I wanted to make sure she was okay. The receptionist, with a sneer on her face, in front of a crowded waiting room, said in a louder-than-necessary voice, "Will this be covered by welfare?"

Guess what?

I was insured!

However, I was so mortified that I couldn't speak. When I regained my composure, I handed her my insurance card. She took it without comment and made a copy. She made an assumption about me and never apologized, never corrected herself, and most likely convinced an entire waiting-room full of my neighbors that I was on welfare.

(Side note: There is *nothing* wrong with being on welfare, to help you get through hard times. That's what it's there for. I was lucky enough to have a mother with excellent insurance that covered my daughter and me. Had I NOT been on my mother's insurance, I most definitely would've been on welfare. However, no matter how we get our health care, it's no one's business!)

So, consequently, at times, I do go into new situations assuming that people are going to treat me that same way - whether they are or not - so I go in defensively. This doesn't do me any good though, so I'd advise you to assume the opposite.

Assume everyone is going to respect you the way they should and then if they DON'T, then you can deal with it. Just know that if you assume the best, many times that positive attitude will influence those you encounter.

Also know that Mama knows best - no matter what age you are.

This article and articles similar to it can be found at
Helium.

My Humps

I have a four-year-old who at three started singing that "My Humps" song. We thought it was pretty hilarious at the time, but when you think about - it's not. It's especially not when that same four-year-old says, "I can't go anywhere because I look ugly. People will think this outfit is dumb. I look like a boy when my hair is pulled back." I believe this is a direct result of my child's exposure to certain media.

This along with several other factors have led my husband and I to just about eliminate TV in our house. Last summer we went 100% TV free and this school year we allow our four-year-old one half-hour PBS cartoon about three or four times a week, and our eleven-year-old gets special permission to watch selected programming throughout the week - and that usually amounts to about one to one and half hours per week! (Sometimes she doesn't even ask - because she's busy doing other things!)

When Victoria's Secret ads and clips of the latest local shooting from the 10 o'clock news are run in the middle of "Charlie Brown's Thanksgiving Special," you, as a parent, can't control what the kids see. Eliminating that source of influence, rids you of many problems.

They're still going to see stuff - I realize this. They see it at their TV-obsessed relatives' houses; they will see it at friends' houses; they will see it at the doctor's office, but I like to limit what they see in *my* house. And, when we watch a movie, we watch it together and talk about it. I'm sure it sounds like we're controlling parents and we are to an extent, but only when it's for the good of our daughters' self-perception and brain power.

Now that there is no TV to run to at their first inkling of boredom, my kids brains worked harder than they ever have. I have never seen so much role-playing, reading, outdoor activity, daily creativity or coping skills in my kids prior to this. And, they get along better. (They still have moments ... there's a seven year gap ... )

AND, it's been good for me too. I read more, I'm not constantly bombarded by violence and gratuitous medical scenes, I don't catch myself drooling as I watch another cookie cutter episode of "Law and Order" (I still love that show thought - just don't watch it unless the kids are gone and I need some "brain-free" time.) I create more art; I'm more patient with the kids; I no longer find myself Jonesin' for "reality" TV by 6 P.M.

So, freedom from TV may not for everyone - but maybe consider limiting the media your children are exposed to.

Also - we listen to a local alternative rock station sometimes, but when a song about "Pain without love...", or something similar comes on, we change it to the oldies station. We avoid stations that play "My Humps" but if it happens to come on, we listen, have fun, but talk about why we don't sing it in public.

Bottom line - our family has a ton of dialogue. We're not afraid of the media we just choose not to worship it (thus giving it power) like many families do - whether they realize it or not.

This article and articles similar to it can be found at
Helium.