Well, it's been quite awhile since I've written anything. My heart has been extremely heavy and I just haven't been able to pull the words from the depths of my broken spirit. The photo to your left is of my son when he was a wee little thing. This past Saturday he turned 19yrs. of age and is on a path of sure destruction. I as a mother have done all that can be done by a parent to ensure a loving environment while he lived in my home, but unfortunately for some, love is not enough. As I write, an ocean of tears well up and I lose all hope and grasp at solutions that escape my touch. Anthony was raised in the country and in the church. I tried my best to be a good mother, loving, nurturing and understanding, but somewhere I failed miserably, because he has made choices that appall and surely slay my spirit as a mother. He chose at the age of 18yrs. of age to move into the Bronx with his uncle and aunt as he preferred the city life to country living. Since then he has done nothing to further his education and has had several jobs, but left them all. His relatives allow him to live in their home free of charge with no responsibilities. For the sake of time and space I will not go into the many experiences or details. This past weekend I was notified a WEEK later by his uncle that he was in my area two Thursdays ago and made a turn without using his signal. Upon searching his car the police found drugs in his trunk and he now has a felony charge pending against him. My heart is completely broken my spirit is crushed and my hands are tied. You see, this is not his first offense, but in fact is his third. I know not what to do. My words fall on deaf ears. His aunt and uncle run a dysfunctional home and I have no power over their influence. You see, they bail him out of all his mishaps. He acquired $400.00 in parking tickets and they merely paid them. When he was arrested his uncle paid $5,000.00 bail, when I would have left him there until his court date in hopes that the truth of reality would indeed shake him out of his seeming state of complainency.If anyone reading this believes in God please pray for Anthony.
6 comments:
I can think of nothing to say which could possibly help you. I also left the country in search of something more exciting, in London. I was 17 and it was in the 60's when sex drugs and rock'n roll were the everyday norm. Somehow I stayed on the rails, but many friends of mine didn't. So I know just how easy it is to take the wrong route in those early years. All I can say is that most of the friends I had then, did return to the straight and narrow. I still see them and they have families of their own just like me. Now we laugh about it.
Pleeeasse, as much as it hurts and feels your personal failure: it's not. He's a growing boy trying to handle grown man decisions. Your son is still your son as you well know. If there is anything that I can do for you, you know how to reach me.
I have so missed you Ambre. Please know that you belong to a supportive cyber-community. You have my email address if you ever need to chat privately. And -- I will pray for you and for your son. Please remember, you are a good mama. This much I know is true.
I never strayed in the direction that your son has gone and luckily neither did my son. But I have had many cousins who did and some who still are on that trip. As Keith says, they come out of it eventually and 19-years-old is not very old. He'll come around. We can't be proud of all the things our children do, anymore than we can always be proud of what we do. We make mistakes, so do our children. All you can do is remind him of how much you love him and how proud you are of him, in general. Words along that nature will help him see the right path more quickly. You are not at fault Crystal Dawn, nobody is.
I just wanted to stop back here to thank those few that have offered words of encouragement and to let you know I will soon post an update.
~hugs~
Much love and prayers have been sent your way and his.
Children make there own choices when they reach maturity.
And honestly, from the time of birth all we can do is pray for them, for all kinds of reasons.
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