Recently Posed Questions

Recently Six-O-Matic has been posing questions that have cause Hubbetron and me to really ponder life more deeply.

1. Can toads be gay?
2. If you were a cow and you had a human baby, what would you do?
3. Should you hold my hand in this parking lot in case there's any drunk drivers out here?

I will augment this list as she comes up with additional gems.

Sight

The doctor was trying to get Six-O-Matic to tell him about her ability to see. He was saying things such as, "Are you able to see the chalkboard?" (No. We don't have chalkboards in our classroom.) "Okay, can you see the marker board?" (Yes. I think so. What's a marker board?) "Are you able to see your teacher's face?" (Yes, unless she's turning it away from me or is behind something?) "Okay ... let me put it this way kiddo -- is there anything you can't see, that you'd like to see?"

She put her index finger to her chin and looked up at the ceiling in the universal deep thinking pose and said, "Ummm ... Germs ..."

The doc at first agreed that it would be neat to have the ability to see germs, but after a second thought, he shuddered and said, "Actually, I don't think I'd like that very much."

The Eye Doctor VS. The Dentist

If you pitted a dentist against an eye doctor in a battle of winning a six-year-old's heart, who do you think would win?

Normally, my money would be on the eye doctor. Eye doctors don't administer shots, they don't ever sand or drill anything off of your body. They don't come at you with weirdish rotating devices designed to scrape stuff of your person. Generally speaking, they don't have anything about which to nag you. For instance, have you ever heard an eye doctor say, "I really need you to floss daily. If you don't you might die fifteen years early"? I know I haven't.

In any case, when we were at the eye doctor the other day, he actually willingly pit himself against our dentist. He's probably used this technique many times before successfully, but during our visit, he was smacked down by Six-O-Matic.

As I mentioned in a previous post, she did not want to have anything to do with the "burning" drops. He was reasoning with her with the following dialogue:

Eye Doc: Do you go to the dentist?

Six: Yes.

Eye Doc: Do you like going to the dentist?

Six: Yes.

Eye Doc (slightly defeated): Really?

Six: Yes.

Eye Doc: Well, I am way better than the dentist. I never ever hurt you.

Six: My dentist doesn't ever hurt me either.

Eye Doc: Oh, well ... um ... I am still way better than the dentist. Don't you think?

Six: No. I like my dentist.

Eye Doc: Okay, well, I promise not to hurt you ... Come on, admit it. I'm better than the dentist.

Six (crossing arms across chest AGAIN): No.

Eye Doc (looking to me and Thirteen-O-Matic for confirmation)

Me: We do have a really good dentist. Sorry.

Eye Doc - ZERO
Dentist - ONE

~To Be Continued~

Never Tell a Six-Year-Old Girl That She Can Punch You In The Stomach, Unless You Really Want Her To

The other day I took the girls and myself to the eye doctor for an annual check-up. My eyeball insurance is about to run out and so I was really just trying to squeeze every ounce of milk outta that insurance udder before the udder goes away.

You dig?

Aside from that, the dogs ate my glasses, so I've been walking around wearing prescription sunglasses any time I want to see anything from a distance which includes when I drive ... even at night. No I don't wear contacts, please don't expect me to. The word "contacts" is a dirty word to me, so no. No. No. That is another post altogether.

In any case, on the suggestion of Meghotron, I went to a new doc. Good move. He was really groovy.

When we walked in, Thirteen-0-Matic went first and when he got to the dilation part of the exam, he told her, "I'm going to put two different types of drops in your eyes. The first drops will numb your eyeballs. If I don't put the first drops in, the second drops will burn." Thirteener was cool with that. However, Six-O-Matic perked her ears right up, crossed her arms up on her chest and said, "I'm not doing it." She had only heard one word in that sentence, and that word was "burn".

After he put the drops in Thirteen's eyes, it was supposed to be Sixer's turn, but once the arms are up, and the jaw is set, there's no moving her without some major finessing. So, I had my exam next. The whole time he was inspecting my eyeballs, Sixer was mumbling, "Not doing it. I heard him say 'burning'. Nope. Not gonna do it. Uh-uh. Forget it." All with the arms crossed of course.

Finally, my exam was done and the doctor said to Sixer, "I promise, the drops won't hurt. If they hurt, you can punch me in the stomach." The deal was sealed at that point. She hopped right into the examination chair right then and there. If there was a chance that she might be able to punch someone, other than her dad in the stomach, she was in. Those were the magic words.

So, she went through her exam, and once he got to the drops part, she was cocked and loaded. Of course it was going to hurt. Even if it didn't hurt, it was going to hurt -- knowwhatImeanjellybean?

He tells her she can even shut her eyes when he puts the drops in, and so she does, and sure enough, the second the first drop hit she says, "OWW! OWW!" I swear I saw her forming a fist right there. Before she had a chance to strike, I saved the eye doctor's life and said, "Wait a minute! This girl says that drops of water hurt her eyes." The doctor said then, "Well, then that doesn't count, does it?"

Now I think he probably made his promise because A. he know it doesn't hurt and B. he feels fairly safe that even if the kid does punch him, it won't hurt. After all, what damage can a six-year-old girl do to a grown man's stomach?

I can attest that had Sixer actually punched the good doc, it would've hurt and it would've been embarrassing for all of us, so I'm glad that she kept her fists in check. The drops didn't hurt either. I know this because Thirteen said it didn't and I say it didn't. I have an unsually large pain tolerance, but Thirteen is a bit of a weenie, so, I know it didn't hurt. Really. I know.

So, we all got our eyes examined, and Thirteen and I got new glasses. Sixer still has perfect vision and the doctor still has his dignity and a bruise-free abdomen.

~ To Be Continued ~

Lipstick Jungle

Tonight Five-O-Matic went over to her friend's house. She was over there for like five hours because they called and asked for an extension on return-time. (We are not control freaks, I swear.) When she came back Hubbetron asked her if she missed us and she said she did, but it pretty much seemed like she was just saying it in the obligatory, humoring daddy sort of way. He then asked her what she did and what they ate for dinner. She told us she ate "six meatballs and one glop of squash." Then she said, "We played Lipstick Jungle." My ears immediately perked up in response to that because I know we don't watch that show, but I've sen the ads and it's not exactly a kid-oriented show. I asked, "How do you play that?" She said, "We just put a bunch of lipstick all night long and we were monkeys."

Okay. Lipstick Jungle is cool with me, the kindergarten version, that is.

The Girl Doll Adventure Series, Episode 1: Jungle Girl!

Here is what goes down at the Morgetron household on snow days -- we make movies.
Here's a masterpiece worked up by none other than Five-O-Matic:




This is cross-posted at Tres Bizarre.