Never Tell a Six-Year-Old Girl That She Can Punch You In The Stomach, Unless You Really Want Her To

The other day I took the girls and myself to the eye doctor for an annual check-up. My eyeball insurance is about to run out and so I was really just trying to squeeze every ounce of milk outta that insurance udder before the udder goes away.

You dig?

Aside from that, the dogs ate my glasses, so I've been walking around wearing prescription sunglasses any time I want to see anything from a distance which includes when I drive ... even at night. No I don't wear contacts, please don't expect me to. The word "contacts" is a dirty word to me, so no. No. No. That is another post altogether.

In any case, on the suggestion of Meghotron, I went to a new doc. Good move. He was really groovy.

When we walked in, Thirteen-0-Matic went first and when he got to the dilation part of the exam, he told her, "I'm going to put two different types of drops in your eyes. The first drops will numb your eyeballs. If I don't put the first drops in, the second drops will burn." Thirteener was cool with that. However, Six-O-Matic perked her ears right up, crossed her arms up on her chest and said, "I'm not doing it." She had only heard one word in that sentence, and that word was "burn".

After he put the drops in Thirteen's eyes, it was supposed to be Sixer's turn, but once the arms are up, and the jaw is set, there's no moving her without some major finessing. So, I had my exam next. The whole time he was inspecting my eyeballs, Sixer was mumbling, "Not doing it. I heard him say 'burning'. Nope. Not gonna do it. Uh-uh. Forget it." All with the arms crossed of course.

Finally, my exam was done and the doctor said to Sixer, "I promise, the drops won't hurt. If they hurt, you can punch me in the stomach." The deal was sealed at that point. She hopped right into the examination chair right then and there. If there was a chance that she might be able to punch someone, other than her dad in the stomach, she was in. Those were the magic words.

So, she went through her exam, and once he got to the drops part, she was cocked and loaded. Of course it was going to hurt. Even if it didn't hurt, it was going to hurt -- knowwhatImeanjellybean?

He tells her she can even shut her eyes when he puts the drops in, and so she does, and sure enough, the second the first drop hit she says, "OWW! OWW!" I swear I saw her forming a fist right there. Before she had a chance to strike, I saved the eye doctor's life and said, "Wait a minute! This girl says that drops of water hurt her eyes." The doctor said then, "Well, then that doesn't count, does it?"

Now I think he probably made his promise because A. he know it doesn't hurt and B. he feels fairly safe that even if the kid does punch him, it won't hurt. After all, what damage can a six-year-old girl do to a grown man's stomach?

I can attest that had Sixer actually punched the good doc, it would've hurt and it would've been embarrassing for all of us, so I'm glad that she kept her fists in check. The drops didn't hurt either. I know this because Thirteen said it didn't and I say it didn't. I have an unsually large pain tolerance, but Thirteen is a bit of a weenie, so, I know it didn't hurt. Really. I know.

So, we all got our eyes examined, and Thirteen and I got new glasses. Sixer still has perfect vision and the doctor still has his dignity and a bruise-free abdomen.

~ To Be Continued ~